Don't trun on the Lights

We wrestle with darkness.

And fight the winter

With gaudy lights

And glittery trinkets.

But we always remember our demons.

 

We remember the day

We lost those diamonds

In our bones

When Christmas lights mingled

With a funeral

So many of the old

Leave us at Christmas

So many sick and young

Pass in the dark days.

 

 So we carry on

Struggle to buy gifts

Memories of innocence

Before our beloved left us

And we took them for granted.

 

If we never turned on the lights

And embraced the darkness

Spring would still come

We would still heal

We would be reborn

And make our own diamonds.  

Finding a new Grace

Summer smog disappeared from my mind,

And winter made me think,

The world went to blue, black

And grey.

 

The shock came suddenly

I was just me

Alone, no beautiful people

No tribe.

 

Then spring came in winter

The clouds chased each other

Like my mind

After the next high.

 

Turbulence made the still

I realised the bright blue sky

Myself and a storm

Were happiness.

 

So let me sing about experience

Let me find an earnt grace

The song will be as sweet

As the toxic tune of false happiness.

 

Black Friday

The weather is violent.

Like the bargain hunting

So let’s stay inside

Make Black Friday our own

And examine sadness

In our souls.

 

Don’t compete over screens

Or post shinny goods

But look for the diamonds

That were in your bones.

 

Write poetry

And think

Read dusty books

Full of wisdom

From the old worlds

And utter dark prayers.

 

So make Black Friday

A day on your own,

Make friends with your true self

And forget all you bought.

Love all you are.

 

 

 

Chemical Babylon

I hardly moved

Out of my hometown

And I found Chemical Babylon

I found true love,

With no one in particular

No work involved

Just swallowed a pill

For every ill

In my soul.

 

And that muddy field

In the cold

Could have found California.

I took a selfie

Of a perfect moment

With a stranger.

 

One day it all meant

Nothing

My spite and ambition.

The negativity went

On a Saturday night

Then came back

Like a monster on Wednesday.

 

And all the soldiers of pleasure fell

They went from beautiful to sad

They only found true love in a pill

Then found themselves in pits.

 

They turned form my heroes

To victims

And then I found a life

My songs were all of experience not innocence

Chemical Babylon fell.

 

 

 

The End

I can’t be on the planet

You live on,

I can’t stare at the same sky and clouds.

The hate is so

My heart ponds

To even hear your name.

 

Yet my eyes grow blacker

And a part of me wants you

And I just feel shame.

You’re a hacker

For my soul.

 

Yet I know the destruction,

We wreak on each other’s lives

We argue like a war

And get mad at everything

Malcontents who are

Looking never to move on

Never to thrive.

 

If I stay here I am stuck

On this big ball in the universe

And if I go the story ends

I was taken

My soul has gone

My mind in reverse

So I leave here.

A wasted life

Alive or not

I loved you.

The Diamond Geezer

He wears a logo

Of a diamond,

Scared into his skin,

He knows he’ll never,

Afford a real one

But his arm will hold the image

Until he jumps off

This journey called life.

 

Doodles with every dream,

Day dream and heartache

Whimsy and fashion covers

His fleash.

His tailored hair

And a disk in his lobe

Show’s he’s vain enough

To take some pain

For vanity.

 

He wears amour

To show and hide and what he is

For every doodle

Tells a story

Of what he loved last week

But scribbles over a soul

And when he wants to shed a life

He’s not a snake,

He can’t shed his skin.

 

 

Life paralysis

Lines go blurred

See the same tress

The same faces

The same irritations

The same secrets

Buzzing round my tired head.

 

And I notice the same details

The smokers outside work,

Sharing the same secrets,

That we’ll all know next week

And they talk in surnames

About sex and drugs

And poverty.

 

The words on the screen

Bleed into each other

And the words come faster

To strangers I’ll never meet

 

The secrets come further to the top,

The darkness bleeds into the light

And nearly get blurted to my

Imagined enemies.

My thoughts are the only evil

In my tiny life.

 

Walk home in the humid dark

And see the same faces

The same sodium light

And people with life

Love and laughter in the pub

The tiny skirted students

And the scruffy, hopeful lads

Starting their life.

 

Life paralysis

So many things to love

But the numbness suffocates

Any hope, love or fear

And wandering through

Hoping for an afterlife

That may come in all the colours,

If only I could see in this one.

 Sleepwalk through another night

And wide awake through the night.

 

The only Hell I make is mine

Tomorrow I will do the same

Live out banality out of fear

Stay tired,

Stay a zombie,

 

stay still

 

and forget to live.

 

Zombie Sky Romance.

She is loud, yet tiny,

Legs of a half-starved child,

Body of a woman

With eyes that want to eat the world.

She walks with bare feet

And her hand holds precarious shoes.

 

And he is balding,

In youthful jeans

A bright red shirt

That used to baggy

And now fits his fat

Like a skin on a cheap sausage.

 

He holds her hand more tightly,

As she scabs a light

And she holds court,

With wit as sharp as her heels

And smokes partly for the drama.

 

He traps her with his arm

But he need not worry,

She likes his humour and his eyes,

And she has an optimistic soul.

 

He wants to keep hold of his prize

He is captivated by her

Dangerous shorts, one liners

And animal print bra

Barely covered by her top.

 

So their flawed romance starts,

And will be finished soon

Under a zombie movie sky.

 

 

Addiction

 The bedroom is now our tomb

With only dusty sunlight

And debris of days of sex

And our bodies,

Forever tangled

We live like half lives

With eyes only for each other,

As the rest of our lives die.

 

For our souls were misshapen

We believe that each other

Can cure us

So we need not make the journey

To make ourselves complete.

 

We creep out to see if it could work

In real life,

If this could be the sort of love

That may hold hands

And last until

We get old, ugly and fall apart.

 

We bolt back to our tomb

Where we may die to the world

And only have each other

For while we try to cure ourselves

Our sweet lust and obsession

Only makes us sicker.

 

 

Love

 

We know it’s lust

We can stay in bed for hours

And look past each other’s flaws

And enjoy each other’s body parts.

Like each other’s perfect sex dolls

With flesh bone, blood and maybe souls

Making a jigsaw of each other.

 

Like junkies,

Nothing else matters

Not jobs,

Not our future

Not our despairing friends.

Our world, land and sea

Depends on each other.

 

Is it love?

I see a dangerous rage

In your eyes

And when the puzzle pulls apart

There is desperation

In our screams of lust

And violence in our souls.

 

Do we see each other?

Or just our own egos

In the other’s eyes

Are we too close to see the flaws

That will destroy each other.

 

Closer to passionate enemies

Not friends for life.

Let us burn in sensual haven

And fall from grace

Make our own hell

Can we tell the difference?

Late Night Movies

 

Why do I sleep?

It does not smooth the corners,

But gives my world more jagged edges,

Dreams, a soap operas of deepest fears

And a Fight Club in my mind.

 

I wake more confused,

And tired of life   

Than when I went to bed

I fight through the morning

Trying to fight treacle.

 

And people I have lost,

Hated and loved

Come back in glorious

Yet gaudy colour

Shout about the flaws

In my days and

Talk in code about problems

That cannot be solved.

 

Like an immortal coil

Of horror

I ride a roller coaster of angst,

But they are never screams

Of adrenaline joy

But real horror

In my dreams.

 

 

Toxic Healing

An acid house tune,

On Morphine,

At this rave there is

No dancing

Only fitful, poisoned sleep,

To a toxic lullaby.

 

Magnesium and antibiotics

Mix with salt and sugar,

Building blocks of life

Along with poison.

They drip into the body

To a toxic lullaby.

 

And visions never seen

In life,

Come in a sick sleep

Things connect and make

Dreams that will never

Come again

Surreal visions flicker

To a toxic lullaby.

 

Soon the lines will become firm

And the body and mind

Will get better

But the only comfort right now

Is a toxic lullaby.

 

Colours

We thought we bunked off winter,

Sunshine drenched the world,

And gave us candy colours

Before the trees could show us

Their green and coloured finery.

 

Winter blew back,

And gave us drama,

It gave us shades of grey

And biblical troubled skies.

 

The world reminded us,

There is no green without the grey

That candy colours can never last

That nature has its cycles.

 

The last shock of winter

Came when the days

Should be lengthening and mellowing,

Reminded us that every colour is important.

Last day of Christmas

The last day,
Dead trees, once worshiped
clothes with lights and trinkets
dumped in gardens,
we will have to face grey days
without lights, cake, chocolate and sparkle,
while the sun only appears for a short time
showing it's fragile lovely light.

The hangover starts
with that unwanted half a stone
and looming credit card bills,
the unloved gifts
and lingering resentment

Winter rumbles on.
As we lunge for desperate bargains
and regret the things we bought
yet the unwanted gifts
and petty squabbles
show we are lucky
the love and healing
mean so much more.