The Entrance....

The sky was a flat, slate grey, dramatic, naked trees spilt the sky, Lauren marched through the post Christmas dank, cold air.

The rest of the family had gone shopping. Lauren had grown tired of endless stuff and glittering lights, she wanted to think. Lauren looked down at her trainers, they were her old ones, bored of the path by the new housing estate she started to stomp through mud and grass. She enjoyed the small adventure away from her loud tribe, she felt truly herself away from the visual noise of endless selfies from mates, gossip and claustrophobic drama of her life.

Lauren took in the morbid beauty of a field. Every colour was dull but she enjoyed it.

Lauren felt a sudden nervousness, she looked everywhere, the warnings of rapists and bad people chimed in her mind. There was no one around. She sensed a buzz, a vibration that never turned into a noise. She heard singing, it sounded odd sung minor keys and an unfamiliar, discordant tunes. Lauren was drawn to the sounds and walked a little faster so she could work out where the singing was coming from.

She marched through the field with new purpose, the grass got a little longer and the ground became rougher. The wet was soaking through her jeans but she carried on. A crowd of oddly dressed people gave Lauren empty smiles.

A small man in glasses and red robes hugged Lauren, Lauren stood stiff. The man stepped away.

“What’s your name?”

Lauren asked, it seemed the obvious thing to say

“My name doesn’t matter here.”

“OK”

Replied Lauren.

“Where am I?”

The man replied with an empty love in his eyes

“Hatefield”

Christmas in Hatefield

Lauren slowly opened her eyes, she noted her head felt fuzzy, she noted she couldn’t remember the day before and she wasn’t sure where she was. She felt ties on her arms and something was stopping her legs moving. As Lauren opened her eyes she could see flashes and gaudy colours, the colours of Christmas. She turned her head and was relived to see her boyfriend, Rob, at least someone who loved and trusted was in this fever dream with her.

The room put itself together in her perception. There were paper chains, tinsel and lights, Lauren sat at the table with her Auntie Pat, her cousins were there too. Lauren looked down at her hands, they were tied together with strings of tinsel and flashing Christmas lights, she looked down on her legs and they were wrapped like a gift with tiny Santa’s that seemed to be grinning sarcastically at her.

“What the hell? Pat what is this., you’re crazy.”

“I just wanted you to have a happy Christmas.....”

“I’m tied to a chair, you madwoman”.

Her round faced cousins had their phones pointed at Lauren.

“Great, you two, I have evidence, I’ve been kidnapped, listen you lot, someone call the police, I been drugged and kidnapped, that’s illegal you lot, illegal.”

“Keep going, you nutter, this is well funny.”

Laughed Lauren’s cousins.

Lauren turned to Rob..

“Rob do something, get us out of here.”

Rob was being untied.

“Nah, they’ve put so much effort in, I mean the dinner,the music and this  Duck looks lovely.”

“Rob you’re vegan, don’t eat that bloody duck.”

“ Stop nagging, your auntie put so much effort in, anyway, it would be a shame not to enjoy it.”

“We knew this would happen, Pasty, get the drip.”

Demanded Auntie Pat.

Pat and Patsy tipped the chair over, the held her thrashing limbs and then attached the drip full of sweet sherry into her arm.

The whole room started to chant

“Merry Christmas Lauren, Merry Christmas Lauren, Merry Christmas Lauren”.

Eventually her senses became dimmed, later they untied Lauren and she had a very Merry Christmas.

Hatefield by the Sea

And you were drowning,
So I held your hand,
I gripped it tight
And down I went,
But I thought I could swim.

Looking in your eyes
I felt that thing,
Love, that word from the songs
But I feel further into the deep.

And out of the corner
Of my eye
I saw white rabbits
And colourful chaos,
Creatures breathing underwater
From half forgotten
Dark fairy tales.

And the white
Rabbits turned to monsters
With red eyes,
huge teeth
Princesses turned to demons
And Princes turned To vengeful gods.

And I flickered
Somewhere between a giant
And an ant.
As you loved me,
Then hated me.

And your ever shifting view
Turned into me,
My soul depended on
storms ground
And soon it wasn’t my own.

No sleep came,
And you fell into darker waters.
The sun and sense
I drank more potions
Some made me ecstatic
Some made me hopeless.

And as I almost
Fell into the deep,
The place where I
Could see nothing
And the biggest
Most hungry monsters lived
I wanted to stop you drowning
But I had to save myself.

So I let go of your hand,
And Then I learnt to swim
The fairytale world started to fade.

And then I broke the surface
I started to swim,
At first I could see the visions,
I wanted you love back again.
But  I left you behind.

The pictures came back
like a poison
or a twisted magic spell
from a children's story gone dark
my stomach would churn
I'd see your face in the dark side
of my troubled mind.

The monsters faded,
I loved and lived again,
I learnt to swim again
to live with or without love,
I become the author,
of my own tales.

Hatefield Primary School

“You asked what what the easter bunny had to do with Jesus being crucified, you asked who made god and your handwriting is dreadful, and then you talked to a stranger.”

Jane looked around the classroom, the colours looked  wrong and the dulled children’s pictures had a nasty twist. The alphabet poster had the headline, “learn this or ruin your life” written at the top. Then the word examples of the letters were bizarre. “A was for abortion, B was for battery and showed a picture of a dad hitting mum with a frying pan, “c” was for crying.

“ There are no searches for you, your schoolwork was never on the wall ans you asked questions that Mrs Allit could never answer, you had fewer than 5 little friends too., no one will miss you.”

“What about mum”.

The woman turned on a projector, Mum was drinking with friends, including a heavy set man, her neighbor who always who always smelled of cigarettes flirting with her mum.”

“She’s fine”

Tears were producing in Jane’s eyes.

“Jane, Jane, will have no tears, don’t upset the other rejects, and the god you don’t beleive in.”

Jane looked around the dingy classroom to distract herself, she noticed a filthy window, skinny children and plastic chars that weren’t the right size for anyone.Jane choked her trears back and put on the blank expression that saw her through her life before.

“Tracy misses me, go on show me.”

Jane spoke in a tone she knew drove teachers mad, the teacher turned on the projector Tracy was with a pretty girl called Stacy, they were gossiping

“I only hung out with Jane because I felt sorry for her, but now we’re together forevermore, Tracy and Stacy, it’s perfect.”

“Just like our friendship “ Gushed Stacy.

Jane looked at the floor, her shoes were too big, her skirt was too short, She felt defeated and look like a an urchin who lived in a primary school.

“Carpet time”

Chimed the teacher. The children hurried to the faded green carpet .

“Now, we’re going to hear why our new girl Jane is here, Jane is here because she wanted too much truth. She was only 4 when she questioned the existence of Father Christmas, that’s way too young and then there were the questions about God making the world, poor Mrs Allit wanted to love her but Jane kept asking silly questions, what Jane doesn’t understand is we lie to protect our young from the world so hopefully she can leave Hurtfield correctional Primary school believing happy lies and with lovely, new neat handwriting as a reward.

“Jane, why don’t you believe in Father Christmas, the rest of the year is soooooo boring.”

Jane was determined to tell the class the truth.

“Don’t be silly, how does he get around the whole world in one night? And how does he watch every children all the time?”

Some of the children started crying, other nudged them and warned them against it. An old caretaker with a badge that “Crying children exterminator “ came and took the weeping children “No”


“That’s what telling children the truth does, you have to beleive in lies so so can be a productive member of society, you’re so clever and stupid Jane, no wonder no one loves you. Let’s see wheat mum is up to as you like truth so much.”

“please no”

Screamed Jane.

The crying children walked back into the room.

“Now tell the better truth Jane, the one Mrs Allit would like.”

“Father Christmas is alive and he loves you all.”

Jane, write your name at that desk

Jane produced the prettiest handwriting she had ever seen.

“Girls with lovely handwriting have better friends and their mummies love them more, you can go back.”

One of Seven

A man sat in a caravan. He looked at his phone, it was stuck on the same image of his daughter, 
her cute face was red and tears were streaming down her face. He tried to get his phone to work 
so he could call his wife or find out where he was but it was just a static photo.

Next  he looked at the 3 clocks, they had a read 6 o'clock for hours. Then he looked outside the 
musty caravan he found himself in; the sky was every shade of bruise, it also hadn’t changed in 
hours. The sound of the wind comforted him at first but he soon realised the roar was continuous 
so it was unnatural and it just added to the sick feeling in his stomach that he wasn’t on holiday.

He was a permanently bored man so it didn’t take him long to count everything in the damp 
smelling caravan. The kitchen cupboards were covered in an old fashioned rose design and there were 3 blooms on the 3 doors. He counted the windows and there were 3. The curtains match the kitchen cupboards and there were 7 blooms on on each one.

Out of desperation he followed a tea stain on the table with his finger and he had a strange 
compulsion to count 21 circles.

Just as he’d counted everything and the image on his phone no longer had any emotional impact he tried to get out but he felt dizzy for a minute and he was thrown back into the same seat staring at his phone.

The door opened. A large woman came first. The man was relieved, another human was
something to do.

“What the hell....”

Then the man felt a cold cloud of dread come over him,

“My wife was right, hell does exist, am I here forever., if only..”

“You hadn’t texted through mass”

Said the round, motherly looking woman in a robotic tone

“ All will be explained, come on sinners”

The man took in the sight and contradictions of this woman. She was round in every way, her skirt was billowing and her top was a mass of pale blue fabric but she spoke like Seri.

6 sinners walked in and sat down on the plastic benches, they all had a stone in front of them 
apart from the man.

“Do you remember your name.....”

Asked the woman in the tone of his sat nav.

The man suddenly realised he’d forgotten his own name.

He shook his head and the feeling in his stomach became alarming.

“That’s because you’re Greed for now, you’ll remember your name when you’ve detached yourself from your many sins.”

“What are the stones for”

Asked Greed.

“He who is without sin can cast the first stone, so if anyone gets angry at what you say and throws a stone they go to hell. We’re New Testament here you see.”

“So I’m not already in Hell”

“Nope, you’re too boring for that, you’re where most humans end up, Purgatory, most humans commit sins out of addiction or despair, they’re seedy little acts that build up and hurt god, but more importantly the people closest to them. All these sinners are just grubby little people, take a look at them. “

Lust was a rather striking woman but her attractiveness was dampened by a look of shame. Pride looked out of place in the rundown caravan in a suit so flashy you would guess his soul would have to be cheap. Envy had artificial green eyes that darted around at everything as if on the hunt for something she already had, gluttony had a face so fat it was circular and his mouth faded into the mass of his face. Wrath was a small women with mousy hair but an expression that scared Greed and sloth had long, unkempt hair and a grubby tee shirt but Greed could tell this wasn’t a grunge fashion statement but horrible self neglect.

“What a sad bunch, they’re people with intelligence and potential but their grubby little sins ruined everything, they rebelled against God and let down everyone around them. Today is the day, Greed you hate your sin. Look at your phone now”

Greed looked at the screen, there was now a video of his daughter, she was singing. The roar of the fake storm stopped and a deeply annoying tinny tune started Greed noticed how beautiful his daughter was with eyes so big and blue and with neat face and a button nose. How did Greed only notice he had a lovely daughter when he died? His daughter was singing Karaoke at a holiday camp. The tune  got louder when everyone heard a child singing with clarity and emotion.

“Who is that” asked Envy

“It’s Greed's daughter. And Greed, what were you doing when your daughter was singing?”

A projection appeared on the wall, it was a tweet.

“ Bloody hell not this tune again #Let it Go”

Under the tweet there was a score, he had 100 retweets and 200 loves.

“So you were so busy needing love from your thousands of followers you didn’t notice you daughter has a lovely voice, given by god to make people happy”

Wrath looked furious, she played with the stone on front of her.

“He’s not worth it, remember Hell is eternity”

Wrath nodded with a defeated look on her face.

"Look at your phone again."

Said the robotic voice.

Greed looked down and saw a home movie in sickly, advertisement like colours, his wife and child looked thrilled, they bounced on a big bed. This caravan was clean and luxurious. Geed shuddered.

"Oh god."

Exclaimed Greed, what did I do?".

The robot smiled.

"This shouldn't take too long now, I can see the sadness."

"Do you want to pass your phone around and share with the group..."

Reluctantly Greed passed around his phone.

"Do tell"

Said the robotic voice.

"This is the caravan we could have got, if I hadn't spent some of our savings on the tablet."

The film carried on, his daughter and wife ate ice cream and giggled. The sinners gave Greed dirty looks.

"And who do I look like?"

Said the woman.

Greed thought, pictures of his life flickered through his mind.

"You look like the councillor woman."

"The one you refused to see because your life was perfect."

Greed felt an unfamiliar tear slide down his cheek.

"My life wasn't perfect, was it."

Greed wept the words.

"And now it's too late. Oh look the film changed."

Greed looked at a horrifying film of his own death, he was holding his phone grinning on the edge of a cliff, he stepped back and a massive force of wind made him tumble down the cliff face”.

"Your family were gutted for a while but they moved on, your lovely Catholic wife married again and your daughter is at music school, she  was so proud to get in."

The man's phone disappeared and it was replaced by an old fashioned phone. Greed looked  at the contraption in disgust.

"Greed this is the only thing you can talk to your family on, you can say sorry."

"What the Hell"

Shouted Greed  

Anger went to pick up her flickering, virtual rock.

“So you’re going to send this woman’s soul to Hell because you can’t talk on an old school phone, seriously?”

Greed picked up the phone, everyone could hear the crackling call.

“Hello”

Choked Greed.

“Dad, why weren’t you there, that bloody phone.”

“I’m Sorry, I heard you got married, is he good for you?”

“Yes”

Replied his daughter.

“And the best thing is he doesn’t own a moby, he hates technology, so I know he’ll always look our kids in the eye.”

“Well grandad was there for me, I didn't have him for long though, and then you, with your stupid bloody selfies….”

“By the way, where are you? How the hell are you on. the phone to me?, you fell off that stupid cliff, showing off as ever.”

Greed had tears streaming down his face.

The crackles overtook the voices

“If only I has Skype”

He sobbed.

“Nothing would show, we only exist to each other.”

Greed shuddered, he could speak to his daughter but not give her a hug.

“So do you want to hand me your phone?”

Greed looked at the phone, the picture had changed to a woman, his daughter and she now had a smile on her face, she was next to a bearded man who would always look her in the eye.

The woman handed Greed a polaroid picture of his daughter.

“Now hand me the phone..”

Greed loved the smoothness of the object and the lurid, digital colours, but the picture of his daughter faded and he slowly let go.

The roar of the weather faded into birdsong, the clock showed 7 an and the sun began to rise. Greed smiled.

“Not so fast Greed, Sloth, now it’s your turn.”

Princess

I’ll be your broken princess,
At the bottom of the toy box
Because I want to see the sun.
So be my codependent
My better half.

Because I want to be fixed,
I want to be a full grown princess
I want the glass slipper
Because I get sick
Of leaky trainers.

And I fix everything myself
With plasters and cheap glue
But the cracks are showing.
Losing my temper
At tiny things
While I fix the biggest leaks.

Another rainy day
Can’t you take a princess to Spain
And you can be Ken on a horse
With messed up Barbie
By your side.

Bloody Sunday

The cold was bone chilling,
Like the cats heart
As he chased the mouse
With dark intent
Not to kill her
Just to play
And watch her squirm
Sunday afternoon away.

The mouse screened in terror
The cat heard music,
The mouse looked with pleading eyes
The cat saw prey,
She was just a snack.

Outside the mutant winter light fell
faded into the colour of bruises
Darkness crept inside
Every home
Bright walls l could never hide it
Christmas couldn’t cover the misery.