Saturday, 9 February 2019

Hatefield’s Primary School

“You asked what what the easter bunny had to do with Jesus being crucified, you asked who made god and your handwriting is dreadful, and then you talked to a stranger.”

Jane looked around the classroom, the colours looked  wrong and the dulled children’s pictures had a nasty twist. The alphabet poster had the headline, “learn this or ruin your life” written at the top. Then the word examples of the letters were bizarre. “A was for abortion, B was for battery and showed a picture of a dad hitting mum with a frying pan, “c” was for crying.

“ There are no searches for you, your schoolwork was never on the wall ans you asked questions that Mrs Allit could never answer, you had fewer than 5 little friends too., no one will miss you.”

“What about mum”.

The woman turned on a projector, Mum was drinking with friends, including a heavy set man, her neighbor who always who always smelled of cigarettes flirting with her mum.”

“She’s fine”

Tears were producing in Jane’s eyes.

“Jane, Jane, will have no tears, don’t upset the other rejects, and the god you don’t beleive in.”

Jane looked around the dingy classroom to distract herself, she noticed a filthy window, skinny children and plastic chars that weren’t the right size for anyone.Jane choked her trears back and put on the blank expression that saw her through her life before.

“Tracy misses me, go on show me.”

Jane spoke in a tone she knew drove teachers mad, the teacher turned on the projector Tracy was with a pretty girl called Stacy, they were gossiping

“I only hung out with Jane because I felt sorry for her, but now we’re together forevermore, Tracy and Stacy, it’s perfect.”

“Just like our friendship “ Gushed Stacy.

Jane looked at the floor, her shoes were too big, her skirt was too short, he’s efelt defeated and look like a an urchin who lived in a primary school.

“Carpet time”

Chimed the teacher. The children hurried to the faded green carpet .

“Now, we’re going to hear why our new girl Jane is here, Jane is here because she wanted too much truth. She was only 4 when she questioned the existence of Father Christmas, that’s way too young and then there were the questions about God making the world, poor Mrs Allit wanted to love her but Jane kept asking silly questions, what Jane doesn’t understand is we lie to protect our young from the world so hopefully she can leave Hurtfield correctional Primary school believing happy lies and with lovely, new neat handwriting as a reward.

“Jane, why don’t you believe in Father Christmas, the rest of the year is soooooo boring.”

Jane was determined to tell the class the truth.

“Don’t be silly, how does he get around the whole world in one night? And how does he watch every children all the time?”

Some of the children started crying, other nudged them and warned them against it. An old caretaker with a badge that “Crying children exterminator “ came and took the weeping children “No”

“That’s what telling children the truth does, you have to beleive in lies so so can be a productive member of society, you’re so clever and stupid Jane, no wonder no one loves you. Let’s see wheat mum is up to as you like truth so much.”

“please no”

Screamed Jane.

The crying children walked back into the room.

“Now tell the better truth Jane, the one Mrs Allit would like.”

“Father Christmas is alive and he loves you all.”

Jane, write your name at that desk

Jane produced the prettiest handwriting she had ever seen.

“Girls with lovely handwriting have better friends and their mummies love them more, you can go back.”

Friday, 14 December 2018

One of Seven

A man sat in a caravan. He looked at his phone, it was stuck on the same image of his daughter, 
her cute face was red and tears were streaming down her face. He tried to get his phone to work 
so he could call his wife or find out where he was but it was just a static photo.

Next  he looked at the 3 clocks, they had a read 6 o'clock for hours. Then he looked outside the 
musty caravan he found himself in; the sky was every shade of bruise, it also hadn’t changed in 
hours. The sound of the wind comforted him at first but he soon realised the roar was continuous 
so it was unnatural and it just added to the sick feeling in his stomach that he wasn’t on holiday.

He was a permanently bored man so it didn’t take him long to count everything in the damp 
smelling caravan. The kitchen cupboards were covered in an old fashioned rose design and there were 3 blooms on the 3 doors. He counted the windows and there were 3. The curtains match the kitchen cupboards and there were 7 blooms on on each one.

Out of desperation he followed a tea stain on the table with his finger and he had a strange 
compulsion to count 21 circles.

Just as he’d counted everything and the image on his phone no longer had any emotional impact he tried to get out but he felt dizzy for a minute and he was thrown back into the same seat staring at his phone.

The door opened. A large woman came first. The man was relieved, another human was
something to do.

“What the hell....”

Then the man felt a cold cloud of dread come over him,

“My wife was right, hell does exist, am I here forever., if only..”

“You hadn’t texted through mass”

Said the round, motherly looking woman in a robotic tone

“ All will be explained, come on sinners”

The man took in the sight and contradictions of this woman. She was round in every way, her skirt was billowing and her top was a mass of pale blue fabric but she spoke like Seri.

6 sinners walked in and sat down on the plastic benches, they all had a stone in front of them 
apart from the man.

“Do you remember your name.....”

Asked the woman in the tone of his sat nav.

The man suddenly realised he’d forgotten his own name.

He shook his head and the feeling in his stomach became alarming.

“That’s because you’re Greed for now, you’ll remember your name when you’ve detached yourself from your many sins.”

“What are the stones for”

Asked Greed.

“He who is without sin can cast the first stone, so if anyone gets angry at what you say and throws a stone they go to hell. We’re New Testament here you see.”

“So I’m not already in Hell”

“Nope, you’re too boring for that, you’re where most humans end up, Purgatory, most humans commit sins out of addiction or despair, they’re seedy little acts that build up and hurt god, but more importantly the people closest to them. All these sinners are just grubby little people, take a look at them. “

Lust was a rather striking woman but her attractiveness was dampened by a look of shame. Pride looked out of place in the rundown caravan in a suit so flashy you would guess his soul would have to be cheap. Envy had artificial green eyes that darted around at everything as if on the hunt for something she already had, gluttony had a face so fat it was circular and his mouth faded into the mass of his face. Wrath was a small women with mousy hair but an expression that scared Greed and sloth had long, unkempt hair and a grubby tee shirt but Greed could tell this wasn’t a grunge fashion statement but horrible self neglect.

“What a sad bunch, they’re people with intelligence and potential but their grubby little sins ruined everything, they rebelled against God and let down everyone around them. Today is the day, Greed you hate your sin. Look at your phone now”

Greed looked at the screen, there was now a video of his daughter, she was singing. The roar of the fake storm stopped and a deeply annoying tinny tune started Greed noticed how beautiful his daughter was with eyes so big and blue and with neat face and a button nose. How did Greed only notice he had a lovely daughter when he died? His daughter was singing Karaoke at a holiday camp. The tune  got louder when everyone heard a child singing with clarity and emotion.

“Who is that” asked Envy

“It’s Greed's daughter. And Greed, what were you doing when your daughter was singing?”

A projection appeared on the wall, it was a tweet.

“ Bloody hell not this tune again #Let it Go”

Under the tweet there was a score, he had 100 retweets and 200 loves.

“So you were so busy needing love from your thousands of followers you didn’t notice you daughter has a lovely voice, given by god to make people happy”

Wrath looked furious, she played with the stone on front of her.

“He’s not worth it, remember Hell is eternity”

Wrath nodded with a defeated look on her face.

"Look at your phone again."

Said the robotic voice.

Greed looked down and saw a home movie in sickly, advertisement like colours, his wife and child looked thrilled, they bounced on a big bed. This caravan was clean and luxurious. Geed shuddered.

"Oh god."

Exclaimed Greed, what did I do?".

The robot smiled.

"This shouldn't take too long now, I can see the sadness."

"Do you want to pass your phone around and share with the group..."

Reluctantly Greed passed around his phone.

"Do tell"

Said the robotic voice.

"This is the caravan we could have got, if I hadn't spent some of our savings on the tablet."

The film carried on, his daughter and wife ate ice cream and giggled. The sinners gave Greed dirty looks.

"And who do I look like?"

Said the woman.

Greed thought, pictures of his life flickered through his mind.

"You look like the councillor woman."

"The one you refused to see because your life was perfect."

Greed felt an unfamiliar tear slide down his cheek.

"My life wasn't perfect, was it."

Greed wept the words.

"And now it's too late. Oh look the film changed."

Greed looked at a horrifying film of his own death, he was holding his phone grinning on the edge of a cliff, he stepped back and a massive force of wind made him tumble down the cliff face”.

"Your family were gutted for a while but they moved on, your lovely Catholic wife married again and your daughter is at music school, she  was so proud to get in."

The man's phone disappeared and it was replaced by an old fashioned phone. Greed looked  at the contraption in disgust.

"Greed this is the only thing you can talk to your family on, you can say sorry."

"What the Hell"

Shouted Greed  

Anger went to pick up her flickering, virtual rock.

“So you’re going to send this woman’s soul to Hell because you can’t talk on an old school phone, seriously?”

Greed picked up the phone, everyone could hear the crackling call.


Choked Greed.

“Dad, why weren’t you there, that bloody phone.”

“I’m Sorry, I heard you got married, is he good for you?”


Replied his daughter.

“And the best thing is he doesn’t own a moby, he hates technology, so I know he’ll always look our kids in the eye.”

“Well grandad was there for me, I didn't have him for long though, and then you, with your stupid bloody selfies….”

“By the way, where are you? How the hell are you on. the phone to me?, you fell off that stupid cliff, showing off as ever.”

Greed had tears streaming down his face.

The crackles overtook the voices

“If only I has Skype”

He sobbed.

“Nothing would show, we only exist to each other.”

Greed shuddered, he could speak to his daughter but not give her a hug.

“So do you want to hand me your phone?”

Greed looked at the phone, the picture had changed to a woman, his daughter and she now had a smile on her face, she was next to a bearded man who would always look her in the eye.

The woman handed Greed a polaroid picture of his daughter.

“Now hand me the phone..”

Greed loved the smoothness of the object and the lurid, digital colours, but the picture of his daughter faded and he slowly let go.

The roar of the weather faded into birdsong, the clock showed 7 an and the sun began to rise. Greed smiled.

“Not so fast Greed, Sloth, now it’s your turn.”

Saturday, 20 January 2018


I’ll be your broken princess,
At the bottom of the toy box
Because I want to see the sun.
So be my codependent
My better half.

Because I want to be fixed,
I want to be a full grown princess
I want the glass slipper
Because I get sick
Of leaky trainers.

And I fix everything myself
With plasters and cheap glue
But the cracks are showing.
Losing my temper
At tiny things
While I fix the biggest leaks.

Another rainy day
Can’t you take a princess to Spain
And you can be Ken on a horse
With messed up Barbie
By your side.

Sunday, 26 November 2017

Bloody Sunday

The cold was bone chilling,
Like the cats heart
As he chased the mouse
With dark intent
Not to kill her
Just to play
And watch her squirm
Sunday afternoon away.

The mouse screened in terror
The cat heard music,
The mouse looked with pleading eyes
The cat saw prey,
She was just a snack.

Outside the mutant winter light fell
faded into the colour of bruises
Darkness crept inside
Every home
Bright walls l could never hide it
Christmas couldn’t cover the misery.

Friday, 10 November 2017

I could live without you,
and you without me
because our souls would be swimming
in the universe and we would have known each other.

I don't ask you to die for me
because then you would be dead.
Logic doesn't have to spoil love.
we'll build a story of happiness
not hysteria.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Eve Mark 2

Selfie time"

Shouted Christy. Christy had done a fabulous job of making up her friends.

"Georgie, get to the front, you look stunning."

Georgina shuffled to the front of the gang, she didn't feel beautiful.

"Anabel, do that owl thing"

Anabel could turn her head further than most people like an owl, she also had perfect white teeth, an amazing smile and seemed to have perfect makeup all the time.

Anabel was an intruder, she turned looking lost on the council estate and Georgie's mum let her in to stay and now this freakishly perfect teenager was part of Georgie's crew and family.

"Right girls, now shout "Selfie" and no more pictures because we're about to get messed up!"

"Not that messed up, my mum will kill us," Said Gerogie

Georgi's mum was everyone's favourite person, she welcomed people into her home including the odd lost teen from the estate Georgie was a generous girl and happily shared her life and room with a lost girl. Annabel was different, she didn't cry over an argument with her mum, she smiled all the time and never answered back at school. Annabel's blond hair never needed fussing and her face looked selfie-ready without any work. Georgie felt something nasty, jealousy.

"When's your mum back"

Asked Lauren.

"Not sure, but make the most, if we get caught with booze mum won't let us do this next week."

The cans came out and the girls started drinking, apart from Annabel who turned everyone down politely.

"Why are you so fucking good?"

Asked Lauren after a few drinks. Annabel stared in front of her, she was strangely still.

"Well you are, perfect fucking grades, perfect fucking teeth, and that owl neck, that's really weird"

"Lauren, shut it, you've had too much."

Snarled Georgie.

"OK, it's your place"

Slowly the girls went to sleep. Annabel slept first as usual. Goergie noticed Annabel fell asleep on time, Annabel never looked at her phone, she never fidgeted she just slept like a corpse.

Lauren and Georgie stayed awake.

"What's it like, with princess fucking Annabel, you're a bit different. "

Whispered Lauren.

"I know, she's fucking strange, she's strange because she's so bloody good"

Whispered Lauren furiously.

"I mean Georgie, you're brilliant, just different, you're amazing with cars  and you're don't care what people think, you're one of the lads and one of the girls, just remember that."

"Thanks, Loz, but the teachers just love Annabel though, I never get good grades".

"You've got a job with your dad, so don't worry"

"Where did she come from? she just appeared, no family, no crying, no nothing."

Lauren started looking in a mysterious backpack with a strange logo, in smooth anonymous font it said,

"Eve, Mark 2".

"Get out of her stuff"

Whispered Georgie.

"Don't you want to know who the fucking princess perfect is, I mean she might be an alien"

"Lauren you're so wrong in the head, ok, one quick look."

The girls took out a tablet and turned it on.

"The Beacon Child, This is Eve. You can program Eve to answer to any name that suits your taste"

Glowed in the dark bedroom.

"What the fuck, is she a chosen child, shit, is it asking for a password?"

"No one's cleaned the screen, I can work out the pin by the fingerprints"

Whispered Georgie

After a few attempts, they found pictures and clips. There was the perfect. There were pictures of a perfectly made up toddler and film of her singing in tune at about 5. Her eyes were a super bright blue, her hair was long and lush and did exactly what it was told.

"Many children need an example of higher standards, they need a beacon of light to guide them to success"

Glowed the screen.

"Oh my god, they've brainwashed her, I feel bad for taking the piss now, it's the MK Ultra, they've made a Brittany Clone"

"Lauren it can't be that you watch too much conspiracy shit."

They read further.

"We bring a gift to all those parents who can't have children, a Beacon Child will bring light into any life. The Beacon Child is designed to be a perfect child in every classroom.

This is the Deluxe version, they also have talents and skills to your lifestyle and aspirations. Eve is the perfect child star, she can be programmed to make a singing sensation, a child model or beauty queen"

"Fucking hell, this girl's been sent to outdo us, that's messed up"

Lauren was furious and sounded incredibly angry.

"Geirgie, you can fuck this girl up, do you think she has feelings."

Even before the bizarre find Georgie wondered, this girl seemed to float through life and always had the right expression but never a genuine one. In class when there was chaos Annabelle would stare in front of her, oddly still like a character on a video game that had been left without instructions from a person.who was doing nothing now she knew Annabelle was a robot fooling everyone she was perfect, she was empty. Annabelle wasn't a creep, she could only ever do as she should.

The girls looked at the movies of the mini beauty queen and it was no longer cute, Annabelle's voice sounded auto-tuned, like a pretty robot faking having a soul.

"Why didn't anyone guess?"

Geirgie questioned.

"Fuck knows"

Said Lauren,

"but this is messed up, it's all just messed up, what if there are more of these out there, I mean we're all a pain the arse in our way. you cost your parents a bomb in extra lessons, I'm always getting detention for being me, Christy thinks she's god's gift to the world and none of us can sing, this fucking thing has it all, I mean what parent would want us when there's this thing?"

"That owl neck, I know why she's got it"

Burst out Georgie

"It's for those contests, look"

Georgie showed Lauen the film of the child beauty pageants,  she saw the sinister fake human look at the judges for longer than the primped, but imperfect organic little girls, little girls who sang sweetly but out of tune, little girls who fluffed their lines and lost, the questions that came to Lauren's mind, did their mother still love their imperfect little children as much, were they looking at this perfect child with longing and jealousy.

"She's made to look longer  the  judges so she always wins."

"Georgie, you're clever, what are we going to do about this doll thing, this is wrong."

"Tell everyone? Other people will hate this fucking thing as much as I do”

"She may have feelings, humans made her, if we hate her we humans"

Said Georgie

"What the utter fuck, we need to tell everyone this thing is wrong, a machine is outdoing us at everything, she can even sing, if people know our parents will want one of these things. I mean imagine having a teenager and looking forward to parents evening, imagine having a teenager who can feed your fucking ego by everything they do, it's revolting."

Lauren was red with rage and her head was hurting from the cheap booze.

"Don't you think your parents love you for who you are?"

Asked Georgie.

"Have you met my parents, they hate me just for being me, if they knew these existed I'd be shoved in a  corner and forgotten about."

Goergie had never heard Lauren be so honest, the strange discovery that their rival was a doll and hangover tore down Lauren's enormous fake ego.

"People love your gobbiness, you show those teachers up for who they are, I mean they can only cope with a life-size dolly, we must be too clever for them."

The girls realised that this dolly had everything they didn't and she was formed by God like scientists and she was a robot.

"This is why I need extra lessons and your main hobby is detentions, we're not programmed, we don't fit in, none of us does and if we did who would we be?"

Georgie was shocked at what she discovered. She was fed up with her "special needs" classes with smooth-talking tutors had good intentions but they were grooming her to be closer to Annabelle.

"I'm not stupid, I'm just not what they want me to be."

"Georgie, you're too much for them, you question stuff, you don’t just take what you’re told as fact. Haven’t you noticed that dolly never questions anything, that’s why she does well? Look at those stupid contests, she just pleases the judges, I mean the geeks programmed in a bit of cheek but she’ll never get sick of getting that enormous hair done, she’ll never say no like we do.”

“We could mess her up”

Said Georgie.

“We could show everyone what she is, I mean she’s kind of beautiful, the work gone into this thing is amazing, but you’re right, it’s kind of evil.”

“The worst thing is we hate this thing but doesn’t a bit of you want to be a bit more like Eve Mark 2?”

Georgie hated her own words, but her words were true when she put up a selfie with a filter after Christy covered her face in makeup Every Time she worked to join the popular crowd she was trying to be a doll. Trying to become a better version of herself meant she was becoming something else that she wasn’t.

“Georgie what can we do? You're technical.”

"We show this thing up for what it is."

Tuesday, 5 September 2017

The marshmallow unicorn

You were a marshmallow unicorn.
looked so beautiful,
felt so soft,
even the spiky part gave in.

And in any rain
you'd melt to sugar
and show all of your ridiculousness.

Inside there was no blood or bone
nothing so solid or biological,
so solid core,
no grit,
so you melted
when things got emotional.

I'm heartbroken
but I only said goodbye
I cry tears full of salt
and that will melt your sugar
to a puddle of nothing.