Late Night Movies

 

Why do I sleep?

It does not smooth the corners,

But gives my world more jagged edges,

Dreams, a soap operas of deepest fears

And a Fight Club in my mind.

 

I wake more confused,

And tired of life   

Than when I went to bed

I fight through the morning

Trying to fight treacle.

 

And people I have lost,

Hated and loved

Come back in glorious

Yet gaudy colour

Shout about the flaws

In my days and

Talk in code about problems

That cannot be solved.

 

Like an immortal coil

Of horror

I ride a roller coaster of angst,

But they are never screams

Of adrenaline joy

But real horror

In my dreams.

 

 

Toxic Healing

An acid house tune,

On Morphine,

At this rave there is

No dancing

Only fitful, poisoned sleep,

To a toxic lullaby.

 

Magnesium and antibiotics

Mix with salt and sugar,

Building blocks of life

Along with poison.

They drip into the body

To a toxic lullaby.

 

And visions never seen

In life,

Come in a sick sleep

Things connect and make

Dreams that will never

Come again

Surreal visions flicker

To a toxic lullaby.

 

Soon the lines will become firm

And the body and mind

Will get better

But the only comfort right now

Is a toxic lullaby.

 

Colours

We thought we bunked off winter,

Sunshine drenched the world,

And gave us candy colours

Before the trees could show us

Their green and coloured finery.

 

Winter blew back,

And gave us drama,

It gave us shades of grey

And biblical troubled skies.

 

The world reminded us,

There is no green without the grey

That candy colours can never last

That nature has its cycles.

 

The last shock of winter

Came when the days

Should be lengthening and mellowing,

Reminded us that every colour is important.

Last day of Christmas

The last day,
Dead trees, once worshiped
clothes with lights and trinkets
dumped in gardens,
we will have to face grey days
without lights, cake, chocolate and sparkle,
while the sun only appears for a short time
showing it's fragile lovely light.

The hangover starts
with that unwanted half a stone
and looming credit card bills,
the unloved gifts
and lingering resentment

Winter rumbles on.
As we lunge for desperate bargains
and regret the things we bought
yet the unwanted gifts
and petty squabbles
show we are lucky
the love and healing
mean so much more.

The Modern church

We are mini Jesus's
the daughters and sons
of the gods of time, stuff and money
one day worshiped
for delivering that jumper by Christmas day.

But we get nailed to a cross
at least once a day
only to rise again to smile
and save orders and souls some more.

Our supervisors and spiritual leaders,
lead their people who are stuck to a phone
they rule in small ways
and they get nailed twice as hard.

But people's worship never cleanses their soul
because they need yet more
so they look to their mini Jesus on the phone.

I've got two Jobs

It's hard to get a job right now. 

Back in the happy days of the naughties I walked from one job to another, falling out with bosses on my way, I wasn't career minded I just wanted to put food on the table, buy clothes for the kids and have some fun

Then after some tough times I suddenly found work hard to find, interviews got longer and harder and competition got tougher, there were always more silly tasks to do, I have made towers out of pasta and marshmallow, bridges out of magazines, sellotape and elastic bands and been on weeks courses just to get an interview for a jobs I barely wanted.

After one more retail job I'd had enough, I left my job and went back to college. It was an adventure, I didn't get good grades but just passed but somewhere I found a bit of confidence and ambition, I realized I had determination, passion and a tiny bit of  talent.

So how did I get two jobs?

Attitude is everything, when overeating and Jeremy Kyle looks like a good way to spend a day you need to make yourself do something positive, apply for a course, volunteer, this will keep your social skills fresh and look far better on a CV than "sat around feeling sorry for myself".

Keep away from bad influences, some people are depressed, can't be bothered and will get you down. Be harsh, you can't rescue people, only the emergency services can do that and nobody can rescue people form themselves. Work out who is worth your time and who is not and keep boundaries up for gossips, moaners and people who don't wish you well, learn the art of saying "piss off" with a smile.

If you have a dream, follow it. A job you really want is out there somewhere and you can probably get something close to it if you try.If nobody will pay you to do your dream job do it anyway, this is the first step to getting paid. Thanks to technology you can be a journalist, a social media guru, photographer or filmmaker for little cost then show the world what you can do.

Also be down to earth, be open minded about what you do. Being unemployed is nasty so take a job you can do simply so you don't end up in Poundland working for nothing. Take a job close to your dream but keep working towards it.

Good luck and tell me how you get on or how you found work. It's tough out there but getting work is not impossible.

The Cloud

I saw a cloud
with all my secrets ,
and all my dreams
floated over from California
where people dreaming made
the information mist
and the leaking rain
And down came my naked pictures,