The Dullest Fight

Some days of The Plague were dull.

I suspect I had the sicknesses, on some days I would struggle to talk through a sentence without coughing, this was hard for someone who talks like a machine gun and hardly takes a breath. In the worst of the sickness I would just sleep, people talked of “fighting” Covid 19 but is wasn’t that interesting, all you can do is sleep. The fevers were extreme and sometimes trippy, visions came and went and I was pinned to a bed. Breathing was part blocked by what felt like candy floss in my lungs, the dry coughs never seemed to get rid of the alien substances. Odd symptoms came and went, dizzy spells, loss of taste and smell, strange toilet problems, recovery was slow, boring and came in spurts.  My lungs felt disabled, I played mind games with myself to keep breathing slowly so I didn’t panic. I lied on the phone when my loved  ones asked, I was falsely cheerful but inside I panicked, I had to be strong.

I tried to ring the doctor a few times but these seemed little point, the robotic voice told me only to ring if it was an emergency. I felt utterly let down by the state, The Plague had come and they weren’t really there.

I stayed on my house for 2 weeks. The views outside started to feel like moving paintings I was no longer part of. There were occasional, eerily empty busses going past, people  jogged past or had socially distant conversations, I wondered what they were talking about. I wanted community back, I missed everyone, my close friends, my gossip mates and even the people I only tolerated.

On sunny days when I felt better painted pictures on the balcony, I painted the sea, my favourite place, these were hours of fun in a boring time, mixing pretty shades and struggling with cheap paintbrushes was something to concentrate on. I was pleased with myself when I started to use kitchen sponges, make up blenders and a spare toothbrush, they bought better results.

I became dependent on an ever shrinking bubble, my teenage son made me drinks, my boyfriend bought food. We had stained conversations in the corridor, I was incredibly happy  to see his face and feel his presence and incredibly glad to have someone I trusted and knew our tastes in food so he always bought us the right shopping.

The 14 days needed, I ventured out for my state sanctioned walks again, I was used to stomping around the world without any problems but now I felt a little fragile, a bit breathless but getting better. Covid 19 could have been a lot worse.